Are you being true to yourself about yourself?
- flyhcoaches
- Jun 21, 2023
- 4 min read
By Ellen
I still recall the hardest three words I ever spoke, “I am Lesbian.” It took me 42 years to finally have the courage to admit that truth to myself, and even harder to say those words out loud.
It was a warm day in the month of May 2000. My snowbird parents had returned from their Florida home, and I had just bought my first house. My dad and a friend were both helping me with a few repairs. My dad had noticed something different about my friend. She was a bit more masculine than most women and wanted to know if she was a lesbian. I replied yes and then he uncomfortably replied, “Oh, ok, I’m ok with that.” Was he really or was he just saying that to make me feel ok and lying to himself. What he didn’t know was that I was dating this woman and it would take a few more months to speak my truth to myself and to another.
We are a world filled with so many variations of gender identities and sexual orientations and many are brave enough to express themselves. We hear words like “They, Them, Theirs” and just don’t get it. Some criticize, some scrutinize, and some recognize their likeness and accept them for who they are. I praise them for being true to themselves.
What does it mean to be true to yourself? Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations with God, explains the five levels of truth telling best.
“Start telling the truth now and never stop.
Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself.
Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else.
Then tell the truth about yourself to another.
Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.”
Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 2
1. Tell the truth to yourself about yourself.
This step is about accepting yourself, including your faults. It’s called self-awareness. We all want to belong or be part of the group, so we conform with society in order to fit in. We strive to be kind, loving, and thoughtful to others and there are indeed times when our emotions get the best of us, and we lash out. We become angry, hurtful and say things that cause pain.
Start by quieting your mind and writing down 5 things about yourself that you want to acknowledge about yourself to yourself.
This could be acknowledging your feelings or admitting that you said something that left a sting. Take time to embrace all of you.
2. Tell the truth to yourself about another.
When you think about another person, are you being true about what you think about them, how you feel about them, what you would like to say to them.
All too often we make friends with people that just plain irk us and we keep those thoughts to ourselves instead of admitting the issue and searching for the best words to speak.
Neale suggests writing down 5 truths that you need to tell yourself about another (just one person). What is it that bothers you about them? What emotions come up for you when they irk you? Have you ever acted in a similar way? Is this a trait that you do not like in yourself or is it something that your wish you could do and don’t?
I recall how my ex-husband would cry so easily, at anything, and I would get so angry. It took me years to realize that I hated this trait because I had such a hard time feeling sadness and being able to express it.
3. Tell the truth about yourself to another.
How many times has someone asked you to do something and you really wanted to say NO but said Yes instead? We often lie not to protect another but to avoid our own fears from the reaction. We may fear feeling rejected or losing a friend and so we deny our own feelings to shield our own fears.
Instead, make a list of reasons in which you chose to hold back your truth. What feelings were you trying to avoid?
4. Tell your truth about another to that other.
Once you are clear about your own thoughts and feeling, prepare yourself to have a conversation with the other about the truth.
Start with someone you trust utterly and let them know in advance that there is something that you would like to share with them.
Telling the truth to another takes courage, an even mind, and staying calm. Always seek clarity before speaking by saying, “I heard you say… Is that correct? Use I statements such as, I Think, I Feel, I See, I Hear, and if you feel anger or hear your voice raise, be willing to step back, take a breath or a break if needed.
5. Tell the truth to everyone about everything.
Give yourself permission to always speak your truth. Stop worrying about what people think and editing what you say to try to please them. Make a choice to tell the truth all the time from now on!
Speaking your truth can be very difficult. I have to admit that this is the first time that I am coming out to my readers, and it is still hard to tell others that I am gay, I prefer to use gay over lesbian as I embrace the masculine side of me. I used to think about what others would say or think about me if I told them. Today I am proud to be me.
If you would like a fun way to explore the different ways the LBGTQ+ represent themselves, click on the link below to take the LBGTQ+ Flag quiz.
If you are having difficulty speaking your truth to someone and need help starting the conversation, contact me.
With love & gratitude
Ellen Sklaver
617-750-4830
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